Poker & Wives Jokes

Here is the list of the best Poker & Wives related jokes we have heard, if you have additional jokes about poker & wives that are not listed here, please send them to us and we shell include them as well.

I'm sorry dear I lost you at poker

This man comes home late one night straight from a poker game only to find his revolting wife waiting for him.
"Where in gods name have you been?" she screamed.
"Well dear you'll have to pack all of your things," he said. "I have just lost you in a game of cards."
"How the hell did you ever manage to do that?"
"It wasn't that easy, dear. I had to fold with a royal flush."

A naked surprise

This woman who used to play cards once every month with friends was troubled the fact that she woke her husband each time because she came home late. So she decided, on one of those nights to try and not to wake him up. She took her clothes off in the living room and came into the bedroom, still holding her purse, her husband, who was awake in the bed reading, roared at her: "Dammit woman!" he continued. "Did you lose everything?"

A Poker emergency

One evening this doctor answers his home phone, he than hears the recognizable voice of his colleague on the other end of the phone line. "We need a fourth hand for poker," said the colleague. "I'll be right over," the doctor whispers. As he was getting into his coat, he hears his wife asking "Dear, is it something serious?" "Yes, dear I'm afraid it's rather serious," said the doctor seriously. "In fact, there are three doctors already there!”

Drop dead poker

Six guys working together used to play poker every week, at one time while they were playing, Moses lost $5000 on one single hand, suddenly he clutched his chest, takes one last breath and drops dead right on the table. Showing their respect for their buddy, the remaining five completed their game standing up.
Mickey looks at his buddies and asks, "Which of us is going to tell his wife?"
They decided to draw straws. Al a loud and usually untactful person picked the shortest one.
The rest of the guys, happy to get themselves free of the unpleasant duty, advised him to be diplomatic and kind, trying to avoid an embarrassing moment for his widow.
"Gentlemen, Tactful, You want Tactful? I'm the most tactful man ever to walk this land! Cautious is my middle name, leave it to me."
Al drives over to the Moses' house, rings the door bell, the wife surprised to see him opens the door, and asks him, what he wants.
Al tells her that her husband had just lost 5000 dollars playing cards."
She than shouts right back at him "YOU CAN TELL HIM FOR ALL I CARE HE CAN DROP DEAD!"
Al says, "I'll be sure to tell him you said so."

Dinner with the beautiful young secretary

A business man tiptoes through his house at 4:00AM being careful trying not to wake his sleeping wife, but to no avail. He stumbles on a chair, only to hear his wife waking up asking at the top of her voice “Where in god's name have you been?”
Uncomfortably he looks at her, and says “OK, I confess. I took my young beautiful secretary to a restaurant and before I knew it, one thing led to another……”
“Stop lying”, she interrupted him, “YOU'VE BEEN PLAYING POKER!”

A pair of queens

This guy was sitting peacefully and reading a paper when suddenly his wife walked up from behind him and hits him on the back of the head with a magazine.
"Why in gods name did you do that for?" he asked.
She shouted, "I heard you talking on the phone with your poker buddies, about how great Lisa and Gina were the other night!"
The husband giggled as he explains to his wife: "a couple weeks ago I won a real huge pot in poker, thanks to two pocket Queens. I than decided to call them Lisa and Gina!"
"Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry," she said. "I really should have known that there was a good explanation."
A week later as the unsuspecting husband is watching a ball game on the television, again his wife walks up to him and hits him in the hard on the back of the head, this time she uses an iron frying pen, which knocked him senseless.
When eventually woke up he asked his wife, surprised, "What in gods name did you do that for?"
She quietly replied..........."Your pair of pocket queens just called."

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